New Yorkers rude?

John and I are headed back to the midwest Friday and I expect one of the questions that might come up is whether New Yorkers are as rude as their reputation.

Ironically, I'll be keeping my eyes open to see if midwesterners are as polite as people in my adopted hometown.

New Yorkers have the reputation of being rude, but I think that comes from people misunderstanding that in a city of 8 million people, the way society works is by speaking up if someone's doing something to offend. If someone stops at the top of an escalator, you don't silently seathe as you try to squeeze past, maybe murmuring something in passive-aggressive frustration. You firmly say, "Step aside, please." Or if someone's laying on the horn right outside your living room window, instead of wishing they'd stop, you might throw open the window and let them know.

It can see how that would be a little shocking if you live in a city where strangers don't interact, but once you get over your shock, it actually makes sense that sort of how dogs will nip at each other if one gets out of line, the pack here self polices the rules.

Meanwhile, people are so aware of looking out for each other, and I'm curious to see how my midwestern compatriots stack up.

In New York, men will flatten themselves against the wall of a crowded elevator to let a woman off first. At first I didn't get why the guys were standing frozen in front of me in an elevator -- I was behind them, so I'd go after they did, right? Absolutely not. If you're a woman on an elevator, chivalry says you get off first.

Men often open doors for women here, too, but men open doors for men and women open doors for whoever ... to be sure, there's some gender-based chivalry, but people are also really aware of not letting a door slam in someone's face and of helping out if someone has their hands full. You will see people in a huge hurry, talking on the phone, and still making sure they hold the door for the person behind them rather than letting it close.

On the sidewalk, people are pretty aware of one another. If there are just too many people trying to fit into a space, people coming at you will turn sideways to help you get by. You don't have to ask for it, it just happens.

I think of it as the rules that make the Autobahn work -- when lots of people are trying to go places fast, you all have to agree about the expectations. If you're in the far left lane, you better have the pedal down. If you're on an elevator, well, I'm getting off first.

See you soon, midwest.