I left my heart

John and I just spent two weeks touring the Midwest -- Ann Arbor, Saginaw, Chicago, Whitmore Lake, Plymouth, Birmingham, Detroit ... we took the rental car company seriously when they said unlimited miles.

Getting on the plane to fly back to New York felt harder than moving here in the first place. I love my adopted hometown and we really enjoy living here, but after a year in NYC, I realize I'm no where near having the kind of deep, amazing relationships we have in Michigan.

While in Michigan, I performed the wedding of two of my favorite people in the world, Rob and Lara. What an honor, and what an amazing way to feel intimately connected to the love they share for each other. A little like being midwife to their marriage, maybe?




















I asked my cousin Anna if maybe she and/or any of her siblings might have time for a dinner while I was in Saginaw. It was a spectacularly beautiful Sunday smack dab in the middle of graduation party/wedding/family vacation season, and there we were, five of my cousins and their spouses, one of their sons, my aunt ... all on pretty short notice.
















We had dinner in the homes of several couples we're friends with -- including grilling at a few, which we totally miss. Kara got up early so she could make homemade dessert for the evening we spent with her and Sean. Amazing. Barry and Carrie played euchre with us late into the night even though they're sleep deprived new parents.
And when we couldn't find the keys to our rental car after dinner and a slumber party with Jeff and Rachel, Jeff was offering to drive us to the airport so we could live up to our promise to pick up Rob and Lara from their honeymoon. Mind you, it was 8 a.m. on a Saturday and he's never met them, but that's just the kind of friends we have.






There's a lot about our vacation that was nice -- spending a few days with my dad and maybe convincing him to come visit us in New York, sailing with John's nephew Ian and his roommates in Chicago, eating at most of our favorite Ann Arbor haunts ...

But the overarching theme is how far we are from having our roots down here like they were in Ann Arbor. (apologies to those folks not pictured here -- we were shutterbugs for a lot of the trip but the camera didn't make it everywhere we went. we have your images in our minds)

New Yorkers rude?

John and I are headed back to the midwest Friday and I expect one of the questions that might come up is whether New Yorkers are as rude as their reputation.

Ironically, I'll be keeping my eyes open to see if midwesterners are as polite as people in my adopted hometown.

New Yorkers have the reputation of being rude, but I think that comes from people misunderstanding that in a city of 8 million people, the way society works is by speaking up if someone's doing something to offend. If someone stops at the top of an escalator, you don't silently seathe as you try to squeeze past, maybe murmuring something in passive-aggressive frustration. You firmly say, "Step aside, please." Or if someone's laying on the horn right outside your living room window, instead of wishing they'd stop, you might throw open the window and let them know.

It can see how that would be a little shocking if you live in a city where strangers don't interact, but once you get over your shock, it actually makes sense that sort of how dogs will nip at each other if one gets out of line, the pack here self polices the rules.

Meanwhile, people are so aware of looking out for each other, and I'm curious to see how my midwestern compatriots stack up.

In New York, men will flatten themselves against the wall of a crowded elevator to let a woman off first. At first I didn't get why the guys were standing frozen in front of me in an elevator -- I was behind them, so I'd go after they did, right? Absolutely not. If you're a woman on an elevator, chivalry says you get off first.

Men often open doors for women here, too, but men open doors for men and women open doors for whoever ... to be sure, there's some gender-based chivalry, but people are also really aware of not letting a door slam in someone's face and of helping out if someone has their hands full. You will see people in a huge hurry, talking on the phone, and still making sure they hold the door for the person behind them rather than letting it close.

On the sidewalk, people are pretty aware of one another. If there are just too many people trying to fit into a space, people coming at you will turn sideways to help you get by. You don't have to ask for it, it just happens.

I think of it as the rules that make the Autobahn work -- when lots of people are trying to go places fast, you all have to agree about the expectations. If you're in the far left lane, you better have the pedal down. If you're on an elevator, well, I'm getting off first.

See you soon, midwest.